Sunday, May 22, 2011

14. Coors Light

Yes, I know Coors Light is about as classy a beverage as Jersey Shore is poignant. But as I sit here typing this with a cold frosty at arm's reach, watching the mountains slowly lose their frost-blue hue, I take a sip from the "ultrawide mouth" accentuated by the "drinking vent" and think....who am I to judge? The shit gets me drunk.

Here's the thing, I'm pretty sure there's no Coors Light drinkers out there who appreciate it's fine-craftsmanship, refined hops, and punctuated barley accents. People tap the Rockies because you can get drunk really easy and not feel bloated while doing so. Also, with all the aforementioned features that Coors Light offers: Blue Mountains, Wide Mouths, Drinking Vents, etc, the good people at Coors are making it abundantly clear: Drink this, and drink lots of it quickly. Anyone who thinks they're better than binge drinking at social events needs to remind themselves what got them into drinking in the first place.

If I finish a hard day of work, I honestly would NOT want to cap it off with a Coors Light. I'm more of a craft beer drinker, but that doesn't mean that the bottom section of my fridge isn't stocked aplenty with upwards of at least 12 Coors Lights at any given time.

One of the many things you can buy if you drink Coors Light.
Why? Plenty of reasons. 1) What if friends come over? I don't want them running a drinking train on my Chimay's and Boddingtons - they get Coors Light and lots of it. 2) What if you spontaneously get invited to a Dodger game? You certainly can't do that sober, and you don't want to chug beers that are too heavy and full-bodied. You'll end up puking more than just watching the Dodgers in general. 3) It's cheap, so you can spend your money on hair gel...or you know...whatever.

Plus, let's be real here. You drink it and it's gone. Hopefully between those two points it will get you drunk and you can make inappropriate phone calls or something. My friend Brian says he's too good for Coors Light but I think you look more like a buster if you turn down a Coors Light then you do by actually drinking one. It's free beer and drinking beer is fun. So is hair gel.

PS: Rod Beck drinks Coors Light. 'Nuff said.

Name: Coors Light
Genre: Party Beer
Value: Great, and you can recycle the cans for even more added value.
What You'll Need to Enjoy Your Meal: 

Rating: 4.5 / 5

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