Friday, April 15, 2011

5. The Novel Cafe

The first thing you realize when you enter the Novel cafe is "Shit!" That's because you're more than likely to run into a jamboree of overly attractive hostesses and waitresses. And there you are, in stained sweats, a dirty shirt, and dry flakes of mustard stuck in your beard. Immediately you consider cutting your losses, flipping a bitch and running home to change and shower the smell of last night's eggs off of you. This very occurrence has happened to me 8 out of 8 times so far when visiting the Novel Cafe.

Did I mention how hot the waitresses are? The playboy mansion it's not. But at least 79% of waitresses there are worth doubling the tip for. I've found their actual service to be quite poor, but its amazing what a pretty face will do to one's judgement.

The bottomless house blend coffee is a big plus to this place. I don't understand what happened to make the cup of coffee not bottomless nowadays, but I find it so hard to find a place that hooks up the Joe nonstop anymore. The Novel cafe's hot waitresses have seen to that and make sure I'm plenty caffeinated. The food ain't half bad either. If you ask a waitress her particular opinion on a dish she'll usually give you an honest response, but don't expect her to volunteer that information freely - that would be good service and they don't do that at the ol' Novel. Nonetheless the food is pretty spot on when it comes to decent portions, good flavor, and pleasing presentation.

The decor is nice, not too flashy but not too sparse. They have these big ass chairs you can sit in which all have power outlets near them. This is nice if you're bringing your laptop in to use their free wi-fi.

The only real complaint I have, like I said, is with the service. The hostesses are typically quite bad at seating you timely, and you can't seat yourself because your entry is blocked by a massive sign that says "Please wait here to be seated." Also, it's hit and miss whether they will check on you mid-meal, or bring your check. But if you've got at least half a testicle, your libido will let all this slide and you'll find yourself talking about the excellent service.

If this place were in the restaurant Olympics it would definitely get a silver medal. Good enough to beat out lots of other losers, but still not the best. Do you remember figure skater Scott Hamilton? Or maybe Brian Boitano? Of course, that's because they won gold medals. Now do you remember Brian Orser from Canada? You don't. And that's because that loser lost to BOTH Scott Hamilton and Brian Boitano in the 1994 and 1998 Winter Olympics. That's what the Novel cafe would be if it was a person - Brian Orser.

Name: The Novel Cafe
Genre: Contemporary
Value: Good
What You'll Need to Enjoy Your Meal: A penis.
Rating: 4 / 5 

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