Thursday, April 14, 2011

1. La Salsa Restaurant

Surprise, they actually sell burritos! I went here because I was in Brentwood and hungry, and my buddy Brian suggested we walk here because he had a coupon for a free taco. Fair enough. Right from the get-go I could tell that even in whitebread ass Brentwood, I was in store for some Gringo-fied shit. La Salsa did not disappoint.

For those of you less cultural than me, "La Salsa" is Spanish for "The Salsa." The sell Mexican fare at what I deemed to be relatively expensive prices. (I feel a burrito should average around $5, not $8.) I ordered a Grilled Chicken burrito and a large drink to go.

While my burrito was being cooked I decided to stock up on every type of salsa they had here. At face value, you should be pretty stoked with this many salsas to choose from. They even have that carrot and jalepeno mix there with all the jalpenos removed...classy! Lawsuit, consider yourself avoided!

The problem is that every one, yes, EVERY one, tastes like distilled horse urine. Seriously, I feel like I could make better, more flavorful salsa out of a homeless man's shoe, some Sprite, and almonds. The very thing La Salsa prides itself on turned out to be the thing most lacking. Also, La Salsa, most people like their salsa spicy.

Their burritos weren't much better. Utterly flavorless and (I take great stock in this) poorly wrapped. Mexican restaurants should wrap their burritos the same way Cubans roll cigars - with pride. You should be able to cut the burrito in half still wrapped and the foil should follow suit. Instead, my foil hung loosely off my burrito like a silvery metal foreskin.

La Salsa offers you limitless salsa, but gives you roughly 7.5 chips in a to-go order. Bitter irony. But it's okay since you'll probably only eat here under the most dire of circumstances or out of sheer ignorance.

My food was mediocre and overpriced and I left pretty disappointed. Take my advice and steer clear of this place, even if you're stuck in Brentwood and craving Mexican. You're better off enjoying the fantasy then tasting the bland, flavorless reality.

At least Brian enjoyed his free taco.

Name: La Salsa
Genre: Mexican
Value: Overpriced
What You'll Need to Enjoy Your Meal: Be from a place that doesn't have Mexican Food.
Rating: 1.5 / 5

No comments:

Post a Comment