Thursday, April 14, 2011

2. Corner Cottage

Corner Cottage has probably the fattest clientele in Burbank. Their breakfast burritos certainly facilitate these people's voracious appetites with greasy, uninspired oil-socks they pass off as breakfast.

All my fat friends seem to rave about this place. I decided to give it a go after crashing at one of my fat friends houses one night who lives nearby. She LOVES Corner Cottage and their breakfast burritos. I'll digress for a moment in saying that she didn't used to be incredibly fat, but I'm sure Corner Cottage saw to that problem.

Anyway, I tried the steak breakfast burrito.  I waited for a good 30 minutes watching the crew of 6 (mind you, this place is small with a viewable kitchen) take forever to even separate two tortillas from one another, which turned out to be okay, because I was absolutely mesmerized at the amount of fat people were eating there. I thought I was magically transported to the soda aisle of a Detroit supermarket.

When my burrito (and coffee) arrived, I sat at the counter next to a big fat guy and besides another big fat guy. The burrito was, to put it nicely, mediocre at best. It tastes like something your frat-guy roommate whips up at 9am the morning after a rager with leftover kitchen supplies. Tasteless, uninspired, and the only saving grace was dousing it with gallons of Pico de Gallo that they only serve one-at-a-time in little urine sample sized cups. Which SUCKS because they place is so busy with fat people buying extra large, extra bacon burritos that they never check on you.

I simply don't understand what the hype is about this place. The food was seriously boring, the service terrible, and the coffee tastes like brown and water. I suspect this is another case of LA-hype and people just doing what they think others think is cool. It's not faux-camp to eat a greasy burrito and pretend like  you're "slumming". You can actually feel the grease and oil ooze out of the eggs and hashbrowns when you bite in, it's godawful. They don't try to make good food and people seem to lap it up if only because their fat gullets subconsciously demand it.  Steer clear of Corner Cottage, unless you're into poorly made food or you like getting really fat off food you won't actually enjoy eating.

PS: The only reason it gets two stars instead of one is that I support locally-owned businesses.

Name: Corner Cottage
Genre: Greasy Spoon 
Value: Reasonable
What You'll Need to Enjoy Your Meal: A massive hangover, 75+lbs of excess weight, and an insatiable desire to kill yourself.
Rating: 2 / 5

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