Tuesday, April 26, 2011

9. Mr, Lunch

Mr. Lunch is a hole-in-the-wall dive that shares property with...wait for it...a puppy store! Yummy!! It claims to have "The Best Tortas in Town" and certainly have a large enough menu that everyone should find something to please their palette. The problem with this place is that, not unlike Justin Beiber, it piles so much shit onto itself that it doesn't really have a real identity anymore.

Let's start with the menu options. Outside of the Tortas, Mr. Lunch offers: Burritos, tacos, menudo, salads, breakfast sandwiches, juices, smoothies, milkshakes, hand scooped ice cream, coffee, bakery breads, sodas, random mexican groceries, french fries, a salsa bar, horchata, etc...

Then let's closely examine a random torta's ingredients: Bread, mayonnaise, avocado, refried beans, onions, chipotle dressing, pork leg, ham, beef steak, sausage, Manchego cheese, and Oaxaca cheese.

You see what I'm getting at here? There's too much stuff with too little real estate. Everything from the Kitchen Equipment down to the food is a veritable garage sale of crap.

Under normal circumstances one might think, "Well, I never have to eat anywhere else, this place has EVERYTHING!" and could on some levels be right. But so does the dump. Mr. Lunch offers poor quality everything and lots of it.
This pretty much sums up Mr. Lunch.

If you're going to eat here you'd be a fool not to try a torta, just be ready to make your second stop be the hospital for triple coronary bypass surgery. Your average torta here comes with the ingredients listed above and then possibly more. Maybe instead of three types of pork you could be adventurous and try two types of pork and friend chicken? Don't forget the double helping of mayo they slather on. Also, anything that says 'sausage' on the menu is actually a hot dog, which I find just insulting. Also, every torta comes with a side of fries, in case you were worried that your 3 cheeses, 4 meats, and mayonnaise sandwich wouldn't be greasy enough.

Worse still...why the hell do you serve fries but offer a free salsa bar? They don't serve chips here, at all!! I'f you've ever thought of trying salsa verde on top of french fries, don't. It's disgusting. But that's Mr. Lunch in a nutshell, a lot of crap inside of one building and none of it fits together.

The service is also ridiculously slow. I guess after months of eating pure friend cuisine has made everyone sluggish.

PS: While there I DID learn that 'tuna' ice cream is actually a sweet cactus derivative, and not fish. I vomited pure cholesterol in amazement and passed out on the floor in a pile of my own diarrhea. (This is what I feel like right now, thanks to Mr. Lunch.)

Name: Mr. Lunch
Genre: Mexican/Everything Under the Sun 
Value: Small prices get you terrible quality.
What You'll Need to Enjoy Your Meal:  No self-respect
Rating: 1.5/5

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